Remember the part in my last blog post were I spoke about taking all those xanax and barely getting high? I did that before the funeral of my friend Dean. Dean died at 19 yrs of age from an OD on heroin.
I have to live the rest of my life knowing I was a horrible f'ing example to him and ultimately my influence played a part in some sharp, form, or way in his death. We all make our own way in the end but we are influenced to some degree.
Me, dean, and his brother sam grew up skateboarding together since 5-6th grade. We hung out everyday, did a lot of normal dumb things boys did, and eventually as time progressed we all were got into partying.
Eventually partying turned into harder drugs...
Me and dean lost touch over the later part of his life where I believe he turned to doing harder drugs. Let's set something straight though if your snorting oxycontin, which is pretty much synthetic heroin, and looking at someone who is actually doing heroin thinking your better than them your an idiot. It's like the coke head looking at the guy smoking crack thinking he is one step up.
Dean passed away at 19. WTF. Why didn't that happen to me? No, I didn't shoot heroin but snorting those pills is just as deadly. When I like back I don't understand how I possibly could have made it with the amount of intense drugs I was doing. I understand now why though I made it as my purpose is bettering the lives of anyone I can through health and fitness.
That morning I called my friend Nick up and asked him if he wanted to any pain pills before his funeral. WTF was I thinking? I honestly couldn't tell you as I look back and do not know who that version of Greg was...
I thought to myself I will just take some xanax. If I could meet the old version of myself today I would kick him right in the groin and as his head was lowering down I would blast him with an elbow right to the face. The only good thing that came out of that day was that was the first day I knew I had a problem. I lost a friend but found a problem.
I started to detox myself from xanax. Of course I was still doing other drugs but it was a start. Holy shit that stuff is rough to come off. All the symptoms you would originally have to take it, I felt coming off. Nightmares, anxiety, and all the fun stuff.
The addiction mentality knows no reason, logic, or anything intelligent just more of whatever substance you are hooked on. It will suck you in faster than you can think. Addiction makes it seem likes it's such a great idea to use all your skills, resources, and mental capacity to feed further your destruction.
Addiction is like fire. It consumes every part of your mind and body. The only caveat is that heat/fire breaks the bonds of things. In my case it broke me to my lowest point where I could change. So in an odd way my shortcomings helped me become who I am because in the end there was nothing left.
Even though it seemed like things were going to be moving in a better direction they took a turn in a direction that really put me at rock bottom. I mean there was no lower I could go.
Today I look at how many "Deans" there are in the world young, not thinking, and destroying themselves. Now my goal is to do anything I can to prevent that!
You couldn't pay me money to take that crap or anything similar. The more we rely on things other than yourself to calm, soothe, or comfort the weaker we all become. Meditation and breathing is more powerful than any prescription pill could be. It just takes work. It takes work when that voice is coming up with every excuse in the book on why you should take this pill or that pill.
Screw that voice!